I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
