Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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