So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
In America we eat man semen.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
