I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
