I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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