Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
