I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
