Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
