I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
