I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
