It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
