I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
