I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
