The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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