Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
