the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize