I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
