Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize