i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have aggressive nipples.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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