She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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