Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
