from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
