...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
