first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
