I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
