I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
