I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
