I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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