I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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