i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
