Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
