I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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