My nipple is on Facebook.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
