Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
