I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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