You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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