i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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