He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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