I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
