he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
