Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's the barista slut.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
