im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
