I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
