I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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