I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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