im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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