Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it because I queefed?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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