She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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