We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
