Christians are straight up FREAKS
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
