bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Please don't give away my fajitas
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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