I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
