Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
