wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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