I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
