Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize