I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
