She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
