How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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