carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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