Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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