The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
