Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
