i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize