First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
