i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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