Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
