hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
