my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You left your phone here
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